Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
