Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
