if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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