I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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