she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
