You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
