He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
