Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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