Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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