you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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