Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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