I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
