We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
In America we eat man semen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
