I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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