if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize