Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
