saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's always time for handjobs
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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