but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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