I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
