Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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