she was so not down for the gang bang
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I deserve this hangover.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
