I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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