According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
