i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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