My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
