the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
