Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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