after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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