Cold hands, warm shart.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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