If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
