I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
