I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can you bring me the toilet please
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
