Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
