they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize