What a fucking waste of an outfit
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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