I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
