i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I could fuck to npr.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
