I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ttyl tear gas
So squirting runs in the family.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
