My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
