yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Shame - the story of my life.
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