Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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