So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
