Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
