what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
