Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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