If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
