Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
