My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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