Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
