There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
