Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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