She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
