Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
