I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
