is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
