did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
