So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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