It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
