That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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