So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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