Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
