The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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