We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
