If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
