I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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