He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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