omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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