I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize